My mental health consultant has never seen me. Why?

For years now I’ve been diagnosed with mental health disorders.

Bi-polar, depression and the latest, bio-chemical depression, just 2 months ago.

The NHS is running out of meds for me to try, the latest being Mirtazapine, after 3 months on Duloxetine.

I’ve forgotten the names of most of the pills I’ve popped.

My problem stems from my strokes in my mid 30’s, not some chemical imbalance, so it’s hard for my consultant (who has only ever spoken to me by phone and never seen me face to face) to actually know what he’s up against, and until someone somewhere figure out how to rewire my brain and put back the bits that are missing, talking to someone isn’t going to really help.

I’ve seen his staff.

Twice.

Despite being seen by one Dr and told that I’d only ever seen them, on my next visit, they were away and I was seen by a totally new Dr, who had only had chance to spend 20 minutes looking at my notes before seeing me.

So much for continuity.

Problem is, when the pills stop working after X period of time, and I start to sink into depression, I have to undergo months of swapping pills, not sleeping right and wanting to kill myself.

I have asked on 2 occasions to be referred for ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy), only to be told I don’t know what I’m talking about, and despite my going away and investigating it’s pluses and minuses, and deciding that the positives outweigh the negatives, for me at least, I’m still treat like someone who hasn’t a clue what he’s doing.

I appreciate that the majority of patients on the NHS may not be as well educated as I am, nor as able to educate themselves on what medications they are given or treatments offered to them. but to be told have sex and travel (in the politest way possible though) is an awful feeling.

I’m now into week two of the Mirtazapine, another week of 1/2 strength sleeping pills and I’m due to start a new job in 10 days time!

I really want to jump off a high building, walk under a bus, OD on something, anything, just to stop feeling this way.

Yet, I’ll carry on popping the pills until I’m due to see my shrink in October, hope they actually work and then ask again for ECT if they are not.

I wont be taking no for an answer this time though…

Any desire by my consultant to ignore my wishes will see me asking for him to be replaced.

How many times can a medical expert ignore the wishes of his patient, if that patient probably at this point knows more about the asked for treatment than they do?

Talking therapy has never helped me.

I’ve tried it, and never had any discernible benefit from it.

Its also the reason the pills stop working after a period.

So, here I am, about to start a new job, struggling to keep myself alive, worrying about my future, and desperate not to tip myself over the edge.

That leads me onto another thing.

I don’t care who tells you things are better out there in the real world then they used to be, You go for a job, admit you have mental health problems, they pass you over like a jumbo in mid flight.

As it is, I have a wife who appears to have resigned herself to my being about as much use as an ashtray on a moped.

Without her and my children, I’d have been dead long ago.

Why am I struggling?

Its because my meds haven’t kicked in properly yet, but I’m still taking them.

I’ll keep trying because I don’t want to feel like shit every day.

My hope is that one day there will be something that they can do to stop this cycle from happening, as I don’t want to carry on like this until I do drop dead.

I also hope that one day I’ll find a mental health consultant who isn’t so happy to dismiss his patient out of hand when he suggests a treatment.

Yes, mental health on the NHS is underfunded and understaffed, but all I’m asking for is a little thought before being shunted from Dr to Dr.

Is it worth my asking for a change of consultant?

I really don’t want to kill myself, but sometimes I feel like I’ve no other option if I actually want to be listened to, but by then, it’ll be too late.

Advertisements

Goodbye, and all the best for the future…

In an open note, Andrew Riley explains why he feels it’s sometimes difficult to carry on in living such a screwed up world, and why he’d rather just say goodbye sometimes.

This is not a suicide note, although I will admit it began that way. It’s just easier to write out how f****d up I think the world is, than actually say goodbye.

As a sufferer of mental health problems, I’m sick and tired of how I’m treat by the medical world, who see my asking for electro convulsive therapy as an annoyance, rather than an an actual request for treatment, and who would rather just shuffle their pack of pills and dole out one I’ve not had yet, and trust me, there are very few of them left I haven’t tried.

I’ve looked at how the treatment might affect my short term memory, other’s for whom its worked and for those where it’s not, and concluded that for me, it has to be a risk worth taking, as I don’t want to be tied to a bunch of pills every day for the rest of my natural.

As it is, I think the world is just f****d up big time.

From honour killings, religious wars, political idiots, terminally ill kids and everything in between, I’m growing tired waking up to hear shit news from far and wide.

Anyway…If anyone out there thinks suicide is an easy option, they obviously haven’t tried it or had a mental health problem.

Goodbye Charlie Gard. A baby who had become to all intents and purposes, a prisoner rather than a patient at Great Ormond Street hospital. For the hospitals, parents and courts to use a terminally ill child as little more than a public football is a disgrace.

Since when were Doctors allowed to do harm? Because from my layman point of view, that’s all they were doing, heading to court and back.

Charlie’s parents are just as guilty of this.

Who was the guardian appointed by the courts to look after the welfare of Charlie?

What qualification did he/she have with regard to possible treatments?

Where was the welfare of the parents?

I ask because in this case, prolonging the pain of Charlies parents will have also prolonged any pain the poor child was feeling.

I’m not saying the parents were blameless, but the hospital should have spent more time working with, rather than against them. Surely, as doctors, any chance of improvement has to be taken, rather than running off to court like spoiled children who cant get their own way should be the right and proper way to deport yourself?

For a judge to say in court that parents are not entitled to insist on treatment is disgusting. Yes, I agree Charlie has rights as a human being, but to all but ignore the welfare of both parents is wrong.

For cases like this, ANY judge should be a fully trained medical professional, not some bunch of senile old twats whose life is all but over!

Now, what sort of screwed up religion sits quietly by and allows a young girl to be murdered, just because she had been seen in the company of someone who was not approved of by her parents?

Who can say who we will fall in love with?

Religion is the cause of most wars, along with sundry other stupid ideology’s such as capitalism and Marxism.

Religion should go the way of the dinosaurs.

Quickly…

I speak as a free man, unencumbered by religious idolatry of any colour. I may feel jew”ish”, but I don’t go to synagogue, because I just don’t believe in the existence of any supreme being.

When I’m dead, I want to be burned, and my ashes tossed wherever my Family wants. I’m not there, I don’t care, nor will I be worrying any more.

Now, politics.

We have a complete full house of 1/2 wits in charge around the world.

In the UK we have a Prime Minister who is so scared of the public, she wont be seen debating her plans opposite a Labour Leader who, despite commanding more Labour card holders than many before him, cant win a raffle where he bought all the tickets.

They have also announced that all petrol and diesel cars will be banned from 2040.

OK, lets look closer at this, as close as we can, because the detail hasn’t been given. Yet.

Lets take the police, fire and ambulance services.

Do you know what type of engine lives in a fire engine? For the current crop of Dennis, its this beast, A Cummins C series 6-cylinder turbo diesel 250 BHP.

Ambulance? Again, a 3l diesel engine. But do we have the electric power plants that are capable of pulling the weight of an ambulance as well as keeping all the important equipment inside working?

Police car? Much easier to find electric options here, every major manufacturer has at least one electric or hybrid version available, question is, will any of our “underfunded” police forces remember to plug them in every night?

You can hear the 999 call room now telling people that they cant send anyone around, as they forgot to charge the car up last night.

Now, slightly harder to replace will be the military vehicles.

The main British battle tank is the Challenger 2.

Now, the Challenger 2 main battle tank has the following power plant: 1200bhp Perkins-Condor CV12.

Any hybrid units out there capable of replacing THAT beast? 

At the other end of the scale, we have the Land Rover battlefield ambulance, with the following under the bonnet: 2.495 litre 4 cylinder (in line water cooled; indirect injection; turbo injection)

Where will we find a 1200bhp electric power unit? And again, if we go to war, what is some Herbert at the barracks forgot to plug them all in?

Or for a fire, does anyone make a 250bhp power unit capable of not only getting the unit to the fire, but capable of running an engine’s pumps as they actually put out the fire?

Politics and politicians…What a bunch of w*nk.

By Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America (Donald Trump) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Donald Trump
(By Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America (Donald Trump) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons)
In the US, we have a reality TV star running the show, and appears to still believe that is what he’s doing.

He’s banned LGBT people from serving in the US armed forces.

Now, I served, but back then, it was forbidden to be openly LGBT in the UK armed forces. I’ve no doubt there were people who were of that persuasion serving, but so what? As long as they did their job, I wouldn’t have cared, although there would have been a mindless minority who would, but times change, and so should the mentality of those in charge.

I do however understand the worry about cost, but who goes for a job just so they can undergo gender reassignment for free?

Why not allow LGBT to continue serving, but stop paying for the surgery? Make them pay themselves, and you’ll soon see who is serious about defending their country.

South, we have the Korean peninsula in part run by a despot who honestly appears to believe that murdering his relatives who disagree with him, just like his Dad and Grandfather before him…

Oh, and despite it failing everywhere, he still believes that communism is the way forward.*

Then we have celebrities who feel the need to comment on everything.

The so called “Cult of Celebrity” needs killing off faster than religion, lest it actually become one!

It matters not if you’re a left or right minded celebrity, both are capable of looking like complete morons where social media is concerned.

Even the BBC (Paid for by a tax, although they prefer “licence”) is full of sh1t where social media is concerned.

J. K. Rowling conveniently ignoring part of a clip to insinuate Trump ignored a child in a wheelchair…

Now, although this quote isn’t by me, it could well apply to you, where I’m concerned:

This is the state we have found ourselves in. Idiots who are self absorbed and who will step on the bodies of baby’s, young women, and the deluded to get a small grab of power over others.

And these are just some of the things that make me want to stand up, walk out of my door and take a very long swim. There are many more, but you got bored by the end of the paragraph where I said I wanted ECT.

*But its not REAL communism I hear you say. Again. Just like after every other time it’s been tried…and failed.